Josh's dad passed away on Sunday October 16th. As with any death, our family has been through a whole wave of emotions. For the last couple of weeks, we've been on a rollercoaster of sad, mad, grateful, uplifted, strengthened, and then sad again. But overall, I think Josh and I at least, have been okay with it. And there will be a lot of sad moments in the months and years to come, but overall we felt like we were able to gain a lot of peace in the week leading up to his death. This is what I posted on Facebook the day after it happened...
Many are aware that Josh's dad passed away last night. I am in no position to speak for the rest of the family, but I hope Josh would agree with what I will say. While we are so sad to lose Josh's dad, and especially sad that our kids won't have him around as a grandpa, (because he was such an awesome grandpa to all of his grandkids,) we have had so many tender mercies this week that we absolutely cannot deny that God is aware of each one of us and our needs. I saw too many miracles this past week to deny God's hand in every moment of our lives. 74 years old is definitely too young to go, but we feel so blessed that we had an additional 18 months with him that we could make such happy memories. Our testimonies of the plan of salvation have been strengthened, and we are glad that Lou will no longer be limited by his physical body and that he can be reunited with many loved ones who have gone before him.
In February of 2015, Lou was diagnosed with 2 different types of Leukemia. He hadn't been feeling well for the last few months, and had some sicknesses that he just couldn't kick. He was told that it is very rare to have both types of Leukemia, and that the cancer was very aggressive. Because his disease was rare, the doctors weren't sure how treatment would go with him. They gave him three options. They told him that if he were to do nothing, and allow the cancer to progress, he would have weeks-months to live. Or he could do some mild treatment, that would probably prolong his life by a few months or a maybe a year. The last option was to try a very aggressive treatment. They said that he would be admitted to LDS hospital for at least a month, so they could try to kill the cancer. Then when his body was ready, they could try a bone marrow transplant. The bone marrow transplant would be risky. There are a lot of complications with a procedure like that. Especially with Lou's age and how far along his cancer was, they weren't sure his body would be able to handle a bone marrow transplant. Most likely, if he were to go that route, he would need to move closer to the hospital, so they could treat him quickly if anything were to go wrong. The doctors were hesitant to say how likely the treatment would be successful because there were so many variables, but basically, they said in the best case scenario, he would add 5 more years to his life.
I was so depressed. I told Josh that I wanted there to be a secret, hidden 4th option that he would actually be cured, because I didn't like any of those choices. Josh's whole family was so rational because so many of them have a medical background and were able to look at it objectively. Josh tried to calm me down by talking about what a good life his dad had lead, etc. And I said, "I'm sorry Josh, but I'm being selfish. I agree that your dad has had very a fulfilled life for himself, but I want him around for to be a grandpa to my kids, because he's a really good grandpa."
Of course, Lou chose the most aggressive treatment, because giving up was not an option for him.
He was admitted to the hospital for about a month, and the treatment was so hard on his body. He ended up not being a good candidate for a bone marrow transplant, but he was able to come home, receive regular treatments and follow-ups, and for the next year and a half things seemed somewhat normal, although the chemo had definitely taken it's toll.
On the Sunday that Cam was blessed, while we were eating lunch at the park, Josh's parents asked Josh to give his dad a blessing. Lou had received some results that his blood platelets were very low, and the leukemia had come back. The blessing was really beautiful, and the thing that stood out the most to me was that he mentioned when his dad would "shed his mortal body," and he testified of the Plan of Salvation. When I was talking to Josh about it after, Josh said that it was a very difficult blessing for him to give. He said that he knew his dad wanted him to say that he would be healed because Lou was such a fighter, and always talked about getting better, but Josh said that he couldn't. The words were not there for him to say that he would be healed.
On Sunday night, Lou got a bloody nose that wouldn't clot because of his low platelets. And then, on Monday, when he got another one, he had to be admitted to the hospital. Throughout the week, we received updates from Josh's siblings about how things were progressing. On Tuesday, when Liz said she was flying in from Minnesota, we knew that things were very serious. Throughout the week, his platelets were low, they wouldn't come up even though he was continuously receiving blood. They added a steroid to try to fix that, but then the steroid was raising his blood pressure, so they added a medicine to combat that. Then he was put on oxygen and insulin, then he was retaining water. (I could have a lot of those details wrong, but basically everyday the doctors seemed to be adding a new medication to try to combat a new problem.) At one point, the goal was to get him stable enough that he could be sent home on hospice, but I didn't see how even that could be a possibility. On Friday night, Cherilee, Marlyse, Liz, and Teep were all at the hospital at the same time, and the doctors asked them and Mary Elizabeth and Lou to make some end of life decisions because they were running out of options. Also on Friday night, while most of the family was there, Lou seemed to be doing fairly well. Our family, as well as others, were sending messages on our phones back and forth. Our kids each sent him a video, and some texts, and he sent a video back to all of the grandkids. He talked about how he was going to get better so he could come home and play monsters and play in the treehouse with them. He told them he loved them and that he missed him. That was basically the last time that he was himself. This is the text that he sent to Meili that night:
On Saturday, Josh and I planned to go to the hospital for a short visit. I called my parents on the way down and said that maybe we should go to lunch or do something after we visited Lou. When we were in Ogden, Liz called, and said that maybe we should call before we got to the hospital. She said that Lou wasn't doing well, and they needed some notice before we came in.
When we got there, I stayed downstairs with Mary Elizabeth and the kids, while Josh went upstairs to help his dad. The nurses were having problems with his catheter because there were blood clots blocking it. They tried to call in a urology surgeon who took a couple hours to get there, and then when he finally did, he said that he couldn't do surgery on someone whose platelets were so low. But they were able to do some irrigation through a larger catheter and it relieved some of Lou's pain for a short time. The kids and I waited for a few hours outside and downstairs, before going upstairs to see Lou. He had been in a lot of pain throughout the day, and was finally sleeping. So when we went in the room, Liz kept telling the kids that his snoring sounded like a big Papa Bear. We all went to get lunch since things seemed to be going better.
When we got back to the hospital, I asked Josh what he wanted our plan to be. He said that he was fine with leaving, and I told him that I wasn't so sure. The kids definitely needed a break from being at the hospital but, I felt like Josh should stay with his mom and Liz. He went to his dad's room just to see how his dad was while I took the kids to my parents' house. Apparently while we were at lunch, he had a CAT scan that showed that he had two hernias, and a couple of other complications. The doctors said that at that point, there was nothing more that could be done. I went back to the hospital while the kids stayed with my parents, and the decision was made to stop treatment, and just try to make Lou as comfortable as possible. When the whole family was notified, everyone came to the hospital as soon as possible, including Josh's uncle Dave and Aunt Lark. However, Jake and Kami were on a vacation in Alaska and would get home Sunday night.
When the family was there, Josh's mom asked that Lou be given a blessing releasing him. Jared and Teep both said that they didn't feel like they would be able to get through it, so Josh said that he would. Again, I felt like the blessing was so beautiful, and really strengthened my testimony in the Plan of Salvation and that we would all be together as a family again, as well as Lou being able to be with his parents and family members that have passed. Everyone said their good-byes that night, and it was so hard for some. Josh and I left late that night (actually very early that morning), because as hard as it was being at the hospital, it was worse not being there. We really kind of hoped that he would pass away that night, so he could be put out of his misery.
The next morning, Mary Elizabeth said that he was still just sleeping, so we decided to head back to the hospital. (We were so thankful to my parents for taking our kids for two days at the spur of the moment, and thankful to our neighbors that fed Marley (we were watching him while Jake and Kami were in Alaska) and even cleaned up garbage that he had spread throughout our house when he got bored being alone all day.)
A lot of the family came back to the hospital that day, and we talked and laughed like nothing changed, but also cried and planned as if he had already passed away. All day we watched for signs that Lou was getting closer to death, and finally came to the conclusion that he wanted to hold on until Jake could make it home. Josh and I left around 7 when we felt like there was nothing more we could do and we probably had to get back to normal life. (And shower, and brush our teeth, and change our clothes since we hadn't planned to stay overnight.) Jake got to the hospital about 9:30 that night, told his dad about his trip to Alaska, and we got word that Lou passed away at about 11:30 after everyone but Mary Elizabeth had left.
Josh and I felt that because of the events of the week, we were able to gain a lot of closure. Josh was very prepared because of the blessing that he had given his dad the Sunday before. I had a very touching moment at a Young Women activity on Tuesday when I could picture Lou the way he was when I met him and realized how limiting his physical body had become to him. I could see the missionary work he would be capable of in the Spirit World and thought of him meeting the Savior. So yes, it is so sad for us to lose him for now, but I believe that it really will be a short amount of time when I think about the big picture. And then Josh and I felt like it was a tender mercy that Josh's siblings were able to make those end of life decisions with Lou, rather than him ending up in the ICU, where we couldn't be with him. Why did those specific siblings all end up at the hospital at the same time on Friday? Why did Josh and I go on Saturday rather than Friday like we had debated? Is it coincidence that Jake really was able to make it back in time to be with his dad within his last few hours of life? To me, so many of these seemingly minor details, just testify that God is aware of us. And although it was time for Lou to pass on from this life, God let us know that he loved every one of us and he was not leaving us alone.
